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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28970049">A Different Ending</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/avisioninorange/pseuds/avisioninorange'>avisioninorange</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Adrift Verse [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Gen, Multi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:34:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28970049</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/avisioninorange/pseuds/avisioninorange</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There were some requests for an alternate/Parallel word to "Bridgerton's Adrift" where Benedict and Penelope actually did get married.  So this is the result of that peer pressure.   Still not sure whether this will be a bunch of connected one shots or a full-blown fic project but here we go.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benedict Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Adrift Verse [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2124891</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>121</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>234</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Hellfire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is short and sweet.  I promised a little AU Benedict/Penelope action where they actually did get married.   Not sure if this will be another saga or just a bunch of drabbles based in this AU universe but enjoy. A couple notes to keep in mind in this verse the dress never came because Colin died, therefore there was no burning of clothes.  They simply bonded and she eventually did confess about Whistledown and accept his proposal.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anthony and Violet had gone above and beyond to help make sure that the church was immaculate. It was unseemly to be extravagant on moments of great spiritual weight but after everything they’d been through in recent months he felt they deserved a moment of happiness.  Despite anxiety he might have had about the gravity of the situation, he was <em>happy</em>. </p><p>It was hard to believe that his word could turn upside down in such a short amount of time. He’d gone from seeking this engagement as a means to honor his late brother to seeing the potential in the match.  He’d grown to respect and enjoy Penelope’s company more than he could say that he enjoyed most.</p><p>As he gazed around the church, it meant a lot to have his family there to support this choice.  It was nice to see everyone smiling, finding something to look forward to.  Time was marching forward and they were all moving on.  They were figuring out how to live in a world without Colin Bridgerton.  Perhaps, he had been a catalyst to this marriage but he was no longer the soul reason for it.</p><p>It felt surreal in a way.  Benedict had never quite been able to quite put a face to his future. It had always been a blur but it all seemed so clear now.  It was almost shocking how Penelope Featherington who had always disappeared into the background was front and center. She had captured his attention and now he was eager to help her reach her potential; A potential that so many other had failed to see.</p><p>They could reach their potential together. </p><p>As nervous as he was, he was excited to see her. He was eager to see what was going to be next because the last few months had been utterly unpredictable and he was quite happy with where he was in this given moment.</p><p>His pulse quickened at the sight of Anthony at the entrance, then there was envelope beside her brother. Anthony took her in his arm and led the way and he knew he was absolutely shook. His appreciation and affection toward the girl had been generally mentally based but in that moment, he appreciated the physical just as much.</p><p>His smile widened despite his nerves, meeting her eye as she crossed the distance of the church to him and when she was near he took her hands in his try to and still the shake.  He quietly leaned near playing it like he was brushing back a red curl but it was just an excuse to whisper in her ear.</p><p>“It’ll be okay,” he told her.</p><p>And it was.  It was going to be perfectly okay.</p><p>She squeezed his larger hands, focusing on him instead of the sea of eyes watching and undoubtedly waiting for him to come to his senses and run away.  That was the outcome Penelope saw in her nightmares; the whole Bridgerton family turning away from her. Sometimes she even saw Colin there as a ghost whispering in Benedict’s ear, laughing at the thought that she was worthy.</p><p>Benedict wasn’t running away though and as the Vicar read from the Common Book of Prayers she was grateful for it.   Admittedly, she did grow anxious as the Vicar reached the part where he had to ensure no one had a reason why the wedding should be stopped.</p><p>She chanced a glance back toward Eloise who gave her a reassuring nod.</p><p>When no objected, the Vicar continued and her focus moved back to her groom.  As the questioning moved from the audience to them, it was pretty clear that this was going to be one of the last moment’s they had in which they could turn back.  There were no secrets of the heart to be shared though.  There was nothing that hadn’t been shared or said. Benedict knew about Lady Whistledown. He knew how she’d felt about his brother. Those things hadn’t made him turn away from her though. They’d only brought them closer together.</p><p>“Benedict Bridgerton, wilt thou have this Woman to thy wedded Wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?” the vicar asked as he moved from the gloom and doom, threats of burning in Hell to vows.</p><p>There was a pause and in that pause, Penelope was certain she forgot to breath. </p><p>“I will,” he said after a moment and she remembered again.</p><p>“Penelope Featherington,wilt thou have this Man to thy wedded Husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?”  the Vicar asked of her.</p><p>Penelope had thought long and hard about this and while she’d struggled to imagine saying these words to Benedict before, they were there now and she meant them.  She wasn’t one to enter into an obligation lightly.</p><p>“I will,” she said back.</p><p>There was then passing of hands.  Even though she’d been holding Benedict’s hand through the majority of it, she was required to let go long enough to let Anthony pass her to him and then there were more vows.  There were Words that she had to repeat and those that he had to repeat in order to make additional promises to each other. It all went off without a hitch and then Benedict was required to kneel and he did, presenting a new ring to her symbolic of their marriage. </p><p>The ceremony was becoming a bit tediously long at this point but they were still required to pray before declaring them wed and even then he had to give them a blessing.  By the time, they ceremony was complete and they were allowed to move to sign the Parrish register to masses were restless and moving around, ready to get to the events that would follow.</p><p>“I hope you’re famished and ready to eat after that,” Benedict said with a hint of a smile while he watched his new bride sign. “Daph’s created quite a spread at Hastings House.”</p><p>A late breakfast feast was the tradition but Penelope wasn’t sure she could eat a single bite.</p><p>“Once my stomach returns to itself I might be able to eat something,” she confessed.“I know what you mean,” he said with a laugh, extending an arm to her so that he might properly escort her toward an awaiting carriage and to the fete.  “You were a beautiful bride though and we never have to do that again. We can literally hide away from the vicar and his promises of Hell fire for the rest of our days. I'll protect you just like I promised.”</p><p>She accepted his open arm.  “The scary thing is that was apparently the easy part,”  she couldn’t help but tell him, keeping her voice low between them as they moved past people to try and get where they needed to go. They could socialize more there.  “The rest of it is supposed to be much harder.”</p><p>“At risk of offending my new wife, I assure you that you have nothing to be afraid about."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. It's Okay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There were some requests for an alternate/Parallel word to "Bridgerton's Adrift" where Benedict and Penelope actually did get married. So this is the result of that peer pressure. Chapter 2 is post-wedding to them leaving for their honeymoon featuring conversations with Eloise, Daphne, Simon and awkward newlywed banter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I feel like the chapters will probably be getting longer as I get further into this. I have so many little ideas about future moments.  Thank you to those of you who are on this journey with me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Protective didn’t accurately describe how maniacally attached to Penelope’s hip, Benedict was. He maintained that through breakfast and into the post-meal social hour. Even though their post-wedding breakfast was attended predominately by their combined massive families, he was always within arm’s length should he need to step in and handle someone stepping out of line.  </p><p>It wasn’t honestly a matter of when someone was going to do that but when.  He just <em>knew</em> that someone was going to make her feel pressured about providing him children or sad by bringing up his late younger brother. As much as Colin was still very much on their minds, he wasn’t going to allow him to hijack this day.</p><p>What would have happened had Colin lived was pure speculation.  Sure, he had <em>cared </em>for Penelope but who was to say he would have ever done something about it.</p><p>Benedict knew that Penelope had loved his brother.  Eloise had told her shortly after the engagement about how Penelope had reacted to reading the letter Colin had written before his death. He knew that she had not wanted to keep going.</p><p>It felt contrary to worry about how one was going to measure up to their younger brother but Benedict did <em>worry </em>that he wouldn’t be enough. He’d started having nightmares where she told him as much.   Rationally, he knew Penelope would <em>never</em> do that to him but it didn’t stop him from fearing that was what was really on her heart.</p><p>The fact that when people would attempt to push him out of the way to speak to her, she’d reach for his hand or hold it tighter gave him a little peace of mind though.  He didn’t know when his thoughts toward her had changed became a jumbled mess but the line between caring and c<em>aring </em>was infinitely blurred.</p><p>To a normal person and a tradition arrangement, it might have provided comfort.  As much as he wanted them both to find happiness in this, it alarmed him a bit how easy the development of feelings (even if they were ones he wasn’t ready to label) had been.</p><p>“Anthony seems to think that <em>this</em> means that Mama might give him a temporary reprieve from the search for a Viscountess,” Eloise said conspiratorially toward Penelope and Benedict.  “I’m just grateful that you’re going to have me tag along with you on your honeymoon – perhaps, it’ll save me from the approaching season.”</p><p>Benedict’s mind whirled and he seemed to be trying to figure out the right approach this.  It wasn’t unheard of for a familial companion tag along for a honeymoon, especially when the bride and groom were getting to know each other.  There was no question that Eloise was his favorite sibling and if he had to pick one to tag along she made the most sense. That said, he wasn’t quite sure how to tell her no.</p><p>He wasn’t the sort of person who felt a need to lie or skirt around something though.  The only way to handle this was head on.</p><p>“If Penelope wants you to tag along, then I won’t fight it but I think that maybe it would be for the best if you stay home,” he said breaking his silence. </p><p>The look on Eloise’s face made it clear she pretty much had her bags packed and Benedict couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty as his sister looked at Penelope as if waiting for her approval.</p><p>He’d seen the way she would kowtow to needs of his sister through the years. He knew that there was a decent chance she caved this time. Maybe Penelope would want someone else so she wouldn’t get bored with him.</p><p>He forgot to breathe while he awaited her response.</p><p>Penelope removed her hand from his, reaching out to grab both of Eloise’s. There was something gentle, kind about her face and he just knew that she was going to say that she’d love if she came along until she didn’t.</p><p>“Don’t be sore with me but I’m going to side with Benedict on this,” she told Eloise.  “I don’t think you should stall your season and even if you can’t find someone worthy of you, you can help Anthony. You’re Mama isn’t going to give up the hunt over one wedded son. You’ll have to write <em>constantly</em> to tell us what we’re missing.”</p><p>Benedict appreciated her tact in that. He was always taken aback when he saw how intelligent Penelope was. People didn’t realize the extent of it either. It made sense in a way. Someone had to be behind that could keep her informed about what was happening. If they were to miss the upcoming season, Lady Whistledown could not.  It was a complicated dance that would have to occur. Eloise would be a perfect source of information.</p><p>“It’s going to be difficult for me,” Eloise said after a long moment. “I’m going to miss <em>both </em>of you but… at least I know you’ll have each other.”</p><p>Benedict reached a hand out to touch his Eloise’s shoulder.</p><p>“We’re not leaving forever,” he said earnestly. “It’ll just be a honeymoon and then we’ll be back to settle into our own place and you can come visit us at any time.”</p><p>“You’ll have a permanent calling card,” Penelope added.</p><p>Penelope let Eloise’s hands go after that, absently leaning back into Benedict’s side. Benedict tried to keep his face neutral but a light smile did play across his features as he let his hand find hers again just in time for Daphne and Simon to approach for their few minutes of conversation.</p><p>“Watch where you’re going with that thing,” Eloise muttered as she made way for Daphne and her growing pregnancy belly. Daphne just rolled her eyes before focusing on the bride and groom.  </p><p>The Duke offered a nod toward the bride and groom in greeting.</p><p>“The Bridgerton taste in spouses continues to be exquisite,” Simon complimented. “Little did I know when I was stealing dances last season when Daphne was otherwise preoccupied, you’d be my sister-in-law.”</p><p>Penelope’s face pinked at the compliment.</p><p>“I dare say that no one imagined this,” Penelope said earnestly.</p><p>“I always imagined you’d marry into my family,” Daphne said honestly. Though as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she realized she was treading too closely to an area they weren’t exactly speaking of yet.  It didn’t help that Benedict’s eyes were warning her to not go there.  He was a gentle giant but he could be less than gentle with words or actions should it be merited.  Daphne could be handled with a glance.</p><p>“It has been a most pleasant surprise,” Benedict offered.</p><p> The pregnancy hormones were in full effect though and his attempt to redirect and keep the conversation safe failed massively. Daphne began to cry and apologize all at once.  Simon moved to clutch her to his chest to calm her down, mouthing a silent apology as he led her away.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Penelope said softly after a moment to Benedict, giving him a side glance.  Two words covered a lot: The fact that he felt guilty for making his sister cry, the fact that he couldn’t stop his family from bringing up Colin or the fact that he wasn’t Colin. </p><p>Benedict raised the hand he was holding to his lips as if to give a silent thank you for that. He desperately needed it.</p><p>“Do you think they’ll be mad if we escaped?” Benedict asked her after a long moment.</p><p>“Our mothers would probably celebrate.  One crying pregnant woman clearly isn’t enough for them and clearly we can’t add to the herd whilst amongst them,” Penelope said with a light smile.</p><p>“We’re far more civilized than all of that,” he said with a nod, a hint of a laugh escaping him.  “Divide and conquer? I’ll inform the staff that we’ll be departing, you inform your mother-in-law so she can get everyone out to wave us off?</p><p>Penelope smiled.</p><p>“Meet you at the door in less than five,” she said and then she was off, moving to try and find Violet Bridgerton, wherever she was being held hostage.</p><p>Benedict watched her disappear through talking people before moving to handle his part of the transaction.  So far things were going quite well.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Opposite of Happy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There were some requests for an alternate/Parallel word to "Bridgerton's Adrift" where Benedict and Penelope actually did get married. So this is the result of that peer pressure.   Chapter 3 begins the Honeymoon wherein Benedict and Penelope both protect each other in their own ways and deal with insecurities.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things had come together so quickly that they didn’t <em>really</em> have anywhere to go, at least not anywhere that wasn’t full of a family.  Benedict had assured her that he was going to find the perfect home for them. During their brief engagement, he’d certainly saw fit to inquire about what she might like. If they were to have a home together, he wanted them both to be happy within it.</p><p>For their honeymoon, the Duke had generously offered one of his unoccupied family properties that was well-managed but would allow them the privacy that newlyweds deserved.  It was a considerable carriage ride but the conversation flowed easy and despite her own anxiousness about everything that had transpired, Penelope didn’t regret it.</p><p>There was one thing that she did worry about though and her mother had all but prepared her for it her whole life.  Men who didn’t marry for love were often known to stray and to have mistresses. She was fairly certain her mother and father had <em>never</em> loved each other.  They had kept separate bedrooms and while their duties were surely performed to have four children, they’d never been overtly affectionate to each other.</p><p>Penelope was terrified that Benedict would have the same expectations for marriage. She’d been a small child when Edmund Bridgerton had passed and the family hadn’t exactly been a mainstay in London after then. She’d only ever known Violet as a widow despite stories of how her marriage had been a love match.  Would he desire to build the same or cast her aside in search of it as soon as the novelty wore off?</p><p>Somewhere after the short tour of the space they would spend the early weeks of their marriage, she was quickly confronted with prospect of being just like her mother and she didn’t care much for it.</p><p>“I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about … well, tonight so I told them that they should set up your own room,” Benedict told her with an anxious smile, his hand still firm in hers.  His aim was to comfort her and to not make her feel any real pressure to do something she might not be ready for.   He hadn’t even tried to kiss her. The look on her face was enough to tip him off that whatever his aim had been; he’d likely made a mistake.</p><p>“Do you not wish to share a bed with me?” she asked him after a moment, feeling his gaze burning down into her as if wanting her to tell him what she wanted and how much of an idiot he actually was.  She wasn’t even able to meet his eye at that.</p><p>He shook his head at the question.</p><p>“That’s hardly it,” he told her, free hand to tilt her chin upwards to have her look at him.  “I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m not the kind of man who forces someone to enjoy my company.”</p><p>“I do enjoy your company,” Penelope assured him.  “I just – my parent <em>never</em> shared a room. I’m pretty sure the only time my Papa ever joined Mama was when he’d partook of too much drink. I can’t even honestly say that they loved each other.”</p><p>Benedict nodded in understanding.</p><p>“I don’t take my vows lightly,” Benedict assured her.  “My father loved my mother tremendously. You couldn’t keep them apart – it’s why there are so many of us. He might have died before I reached manhood but he did show me what it means to be a decent husband and I assure you that I fully intend to be one to you.”</p><p>“Then I don’t want to be apart from you,” she told him simply.</p><p>It didn’t need further explanation and it wasn’t even something he wanted to debate.  He wanted to be near her as well and even if their marriage wasn’t consummated tonight, the next night or the night after that, he was going to be glad to just have her there with him.</p><p>He nodded, releasing his hand from her face before gesturing toward the room next to the one he’d identified as hers.  He might have been willing to give her the space to have her own room but he’d not wanted to be far from her. He didn’t particularly care if the servants talked about the fact they were newlywed and not sharing a bed but he would have been bothered if she was far away and he couldn’t protect her.</p><p>He used a foot to open the door to what was now going to be there room.  It was far nicer than their rooms back in London had ever been.  Even if their families were far from impoverished, what they could afford was hardly equal to that of the Duke.</p><p>“Will this do for you?” he asked quietly.</p><p>“The bed looks particularly comfortable, especially after all the excitement and travel,” she admitted.  “Do you know if my trousseau had been moved up here yet?”</p><p>Benedict’s cheeks turned slightly pink at the thought of it.</p><p>“It’s likely in the other room,” he confessed. “I will have them move everything after we’ve managed to get some rest.”</p><p>“Then I will go get ready,” she told him.</p><p>Benedict let her hand go so that she could slip into the other room, watching as she disappeared before busying himself to slip out of his clothes and into a nightshirt.  He typically opted for less but decided modesty might be his best route. </p><p>He settled on the side of the bed closest the door, above the covers to wait for her.  His intention was to stay awake until she got back. Perhaps engage in a little more conversation before sleep took over but he hadn’t realized how tired he was and he drifted quickly.</p><p>When Penelope returned to let herself in, she couldn’t even bring herself to be upset with him for having fallen asleep.  She had a robe over a nightgown picked out by Violet herself. She remembered distinctly blushing as Violet had made commentary about how that would certainly encourage a quickening of grandchildren.</p><p>She wasn’t so certain about that at the moment.</p><p>She gently moved to tug the blankets up and over her new husband before moving to discard her robe and crawl into the other side.  She was careful not to wake him but he was sleeping too hard for her to possibly have done so.</p><p>She blew out a candle lighting the room before she curled on her side facing him, brushed some hair out of his eyes before placing a light kiss to his temple and murmured a soft, “Good Night”.</p><p>Whatever Benedict was dreaming about seemed pleasant enough and she hoped to join him there.</p><p>--</p><p>
  <em>“How could you?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He heard the words and then felt his body being shoved.  Panic and fear filled his lungs as he hit the ground hard, eyes widening when he saw who had pushed him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Colin stood above him, looking at him with such disdain, anger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please calm down,” Benedict pleased trying to climb to his feet. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You knew that she loved me and you still married her,” Colin accused. “You couldn’t even wait until my body had properly decayed.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry -.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’re not sorry,” Colin accused, fist swinging at him again while Benedict tried to dodge.  “I’m never going to let you be happy.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please let her be happy then.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“- Only after you’re rotting in the ground.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>--</em>
</p><p>Penelope was startled awake by the shifting in the bed next to her. She felt Benedict tossing and turning in the space next to her.  He was pleading in his sleep, begging someone. She heard please and sorry enough times that she couldn’t help but gently try and curl her arms around him.</p><p>“It’s a dream,” she said softly. “Just a dream.”</p><p>He came to alertness in jarring quickness, his brow wet with sweat. He was prepared to fight and yet, he was wrapped in softness and he could hear her voice so he was forced to just breathe and try and settle down.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he told said this time toward her.  His voice was strangled and she’d not quite ever seen him this way. </p><p>“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she told him firmly, holding onto him all the tighter. The ungodly hour didn’t matter anymore than the loss of sleep.  Normal people wouldn’t have been sleeping anyways on their honeymoon. “Just breathe, Ben. It’s all going to be okay.”</p><p>“I – He hates me,” he said after a long minute.</p><p>Confusion flooded Penelope’s features.</p><p>“Who hates you?” she couldn’t help but ask though she quickly added. “I’m sure it’s all in your head it was just a dream.  You have nothing to worry about.”</p><p>“He’s haunting me.  I think he’s mad that I married you,” he told her.</p><p>Penelope’s face twisted in sympathy at that.</p><p>“Colin's not mad at you,” she said firmly, kissing his brow as if to try and comfort him further.  “He’s not haunting you.  It was just a bad dream.”</p><p>“But what if it isn’t?  He said that you won’t be happy until I’m dead.”</p><p>Penelope looked upset at that and for a minute Benedict thought she might agree with it but instead she shook her head, clutched him more fiercely.</p><p>“You being dead would make me the absolute opposite of happy,” she said resolutely before turning her attention to the emptiness of the room with a look that reminded him of his own mother when she’s help scare away monsters from under the bed. “Colin Bridgerton, if you’re in this room haunting your brother right right now, I demand you leaves him alone immediately until you have something nice to say.”</p><p>Benedict had thought he was going to be the one to protect her but maybe it was going to be the other way around.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk tonight.  I'm going to be in my corner crying about this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Beautiful</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There were some requests for an alternate/Parallel word to "Bridgerton's Adrift" where Benedict and Penelope actually did get married. So this is the result of that peer pressure. // The newlyweds do some more bonding and make future plans in this chapter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Because I have no willpower to make myself behave... unlike Benedict who is a saint.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benedict Bridgerton was hardly a virgin. He’d been with plenty of women through the years who all understood that nothing was going to come of the dalliance. He hadn’t ever been with someone who actually meant something to him.  He couldn’t earnestly say that he was in love with Penelope at this point but with every passing day of their marriage, he certainly grew to admire her more.</p><p>That admiration was why it was easy to find affection and intimacy in ways that weren’t overtly sexual in nature. They spent their days taking leisurely strolls and leaning against each other while they enjoyed their personal exploits.  She’d read to him from whatever book she’d stolen from the library and he’d spend the afternoons sketching away.  </p><p>In the evenings, they would go to bed together and while neither saw fit to initiate kissing they had progressed to curling into each other.  Sometimes, Penelope would curl into his chest and others his arms around her middle. Regardless of the form it took, they would lay there talking until sleep inevitably took them.</p><p>It was something they had both come to look forward to.  Penelope had never quite felt like she belonged anywhere as much as she did in Benedict’s company. Sometimes it took her by surprise how right it all felt.  She hadn’t really thought she could have a happy ending.  She’d always thought it something meant for her sisters. </p><p>Her life had been so different mere weeks ago and yet it felt like another lifetime ago.  She’d thought her heart might never heal after Colin had died, especially when she’d learned that he’d done so thinking she was sore with him. She was actually happier than she felt she deserved though.</p><p>“I should probably write something about our honeymoon,” she told him from a desk in their bedroom where she’d taken to writing her latest article for Lady Whistledown.</p><p>Benedict saw propped against the pillows. He was dressed but his shirt was undone slightly. His hair was messy because he’d just completed a bit of nap.  He gazed over to her affectionately.</p><p>Eloise had not wasted any time ending her letters about what was happening at home though not much happened in the short time since they left.  Benedict had been pleasantly surprised that Penelope had already worked out how to ensure publication was not stalled in her absence from London though.  It was impressive for a woman to be so savvy.</p><p>“Well how do you think our honeymoon should be reported?” her asked from where he was sitting. “Are we the vision of newlywed bliss or misery?”</p><p>She laughed softly. </p><p>“Bliss,” she told him sincerely before scribbling some words on the paper.  She smiled before lifting the page, gaze moving toward his as she decided to read the excerpt.  “<em>While most of London’s gaze turns to those who will seeking their match in the coming season, this writer is happy to report that the off-season wedding of one Benedict Bridgerton to Penelope Featherington has proven fruitful. Sources report that they have may forsake London all together – as they are particularly fond of their bed as most newlyweds prove to be.</em>”</p><p>“It’s true,” Benedict said with a laugh before petting the space on the bed next to him.  “I think you should return to bed.”</p><p>“As you wish.”</p><p>Penelope laughed putting down her article that she’d have to finish later, ignoring the ink stains on her fingers to go climb back into the bed. She moved right into Benedict’s waiting arms, curling into his warm body.  He pressed an affectionate kiss to the top of her head.</p><p>“I’ve actually been thinking about our future home,” he told her after a moment, eyes closed as he just enjoyed having her close.</p><p>“I thought you’d found a few places that might work,” she told him quietly.</p><p>“Yes but none are good enough,” he confessed.  “I found some undeveloped land in Kensington.  It would take a little longer but we could have someone build us the perfect house.”</p><p>“I’m going to be happy as long as we have food and a bed to sleep in,” she told him honestly.  “You know that it doesn’t have to be perfect.”</p><p>“I know that but it won’t stop me from providing it. I was thinking you could have your own study for your writing and not just for Whistledown,” he told her, happy to encourage your passion.  “Most houses would only have one and while we could convert a room to one, we’ll need the room for when we have company or children.”</p><p> It wasn’t the first time they’d casually mentioned a future with children in it but it was the first time since they’d been married.  It was kind of strange to think about filling a home with them when their intimacy hadn’t quite evolved to the point where there was even potential to children.  It was always reassuring to hear them mentioned though because it meant that they would get there.</p><p>“You’ll need space for your art too,” she told him after a moment. “If we’re going to go all in on this, we should both have whatever we need to be happy.”</p><p>“You make me happy,” he told her honestly, arms tightening around her.  His face buried in her hair, a hand idly moved to play with some of her curls. “Whatever you want you’ll get but… the point is that this might mean living in my former bachelor quarters for a little while.”</p><p>“I’ve never actually seen it.  Tell me about it,” she told him relaxing against him, encouraging him to tell her about what was going to be their temporary home in the coming weeks. Daphne and the Duke had been generous but they couldn’t stay in the country forever.</p><p>“It’s smaller without a proper staff,” he told her after a moment.  “It’s in Piccadilly near Albany Hall.  It’s certainly less grand than the family home but it is private.  I kept two bedrooms just in case one of my brothers ended up needing to stay.  It’s quite simple though.  There is a pretty nice stairwell to the roof though and I’ve been fond of going up there and taking in the city.”</p><p>“I can see why you weren’t in a hurry to end your bachelorhood,” she told him with a small smile.  “I mean, I couldn’t begin to tell you how many times I wished there to be an escape from my mother’s home.”</p><p>“I’d say it was a pretty fair trade,” he told her earnestly.  “I’m glad my mother meddled and brought you home to us. I don’t know that I would have convinced you to accept me if she hadn’t.”</p><p>“We’ll never know,” Penelope said with a playful smile.  </p><p>--</p><p>There were almost always charcoals and paper nearby.  Benedict had moments where he didn’t feel inspired but he had taken to sketching in the early mornings before the light became so bright that Penelope would be awake to watch him do it.</p><p>It was one thing for her to provide commentary when he was sketching inanimate objects or flowers but when he found himself particularly inspired by the look on her face as she slept or the way the fabric of her nightgown clung to her he was scared of her judgment.</p><p>His lips tightened as his eyes moved back and forth between her sleeping form and the paper,  knowing that whatever he put to paper wouldn’t equal to how adorable she when she having a pleasant dream.</p><p>Normally he had enough focus to know when she was about to wake, so he could stop but his focus had been on the shading of her curls when he felt arms curl around him from behind.</p><p>Her face buried into his shoulder for a moment before looking up.</p><p>He heard her surprised sigh and he braced himself for her to say something negative but she didn’t.</p><p>“You were sketching me?” she asked in surprise.  Her eyes lit up in recognition of her own form, in the fact that she actually looked quite beautiful in Benedict’s art even when she didn’t see herself as beautiful.</p><p>“I’ve been doing a little bit every day,” he confessed.  “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.”</p><p>“I’m flattered,” she told him, moving to sit in his lap sideways, moving the charcoals from his hand to the table. “You’ve made me look beautiful.”</p><p>Benedict raised an eyebrow at that.</p><p>“You <em>are</em> beautiful,” he told her firmly.</p><p>Their eyes found each other and he expected her to argue it but instead she leaned in and captured his mouth. It caught him completely and utterly off guard and he knew he froze for a second before melting into it. Her lips were soft and desirable.</p><p>One of his hands found the back of her head, fingers curling in the red locks. Between the proximity and her kisses, his body was beginning to respond and warning lights began to go off in his head. It would be all too easy to carrying her across the small distance from his chair to their bed and take her.   He could literally feel himself getting more aggressive with her. He had to stop himself.</p><p>“<em>Pen</em>,” he murmured softly against her mouth, when he forced himself to pull back. He was her husband and there was absolutely no reason why he couldn’t do whatever he wanted but he’d always prized himself on being gentle, patient.  In this moment, he wasn’t sure he could temper himself.  He needed to step away but it was difficult with her in his lap, especially when he was cognizant of the fact she was still in her nightgown.</p><p>“Is there something wrong?” she asked eyes fluttering open, gaze questioning.</p><p>He could have laughed if it wouldn’t have been misconstrued.</p><p>“You’re perfect,” he told her, pressing a lingering kiss to the top of her head before gently moving her off him so he could rise to his feet.  “—I was just thinking that maybe I should try and find someone to get us some breakfast.”</p><p>Penelope frowned slightly from her new standing position.</p><p>“You don’t have to go,” she told him.</p><p>He wasn’t quite sure how to explain it to her though, especially as his eyes cast over her from the door frame that he’d made a point to get himself too.</p><p>“Yes I do,” he said resolutely before disappearing down the hall to regain some level of self-control.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Biscuits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There were some requests for an alternate/Parallel word to "Bridgerton's Adrift" where Benedict and Penelope actually did get married. So this is the result of that peer pressure. // Chapter 5 includes an argument, return to London and an interesting family dinner.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we go for another round of Penedict.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eloise had always been the kind of sister who didn’t hesitate to tell him precisely how it was and apparently Penelope had sought advice on their marriage from her. Benedict couldn’t help but cringe as he read the latest from his sister, addressed strictly to him where she railed on him for <em>mistreatment</em> of her very best friend and <em>sister. </em>It actually hurt his feelings a bit to think that Eloise would question his devotion or loyalty.  It hurt even more to think that Penelope might think that the time he spent away, discussing the construction of their home and dealing with the bank was spent in the arms of some other woman.  </p><p>They couldn’t possibly understand where he was coming from with this.  He had kept his promises. He literally wouldn’t have been with another person even if the opportunity presented itself. He didn’t want to be with anyone else either. He couldn’t allow himself to be with Penelope in that way either though. Not yet.  It was illogical but some part of him was afraid that if he let things progress beyond tentative kisses she’d be picturing his brother.  The thought was enough to keep him dodging advances that would have progressed their marriage.</p><p>He balled the letter from his sister in his hand, tossing it into a fire and watched it burn before moving from his study down the hall to where he knew he would find Penelope reading.   It took some measure of strength to force down his feelings of inadequacy and keep a level head about him.  They’d been married for weeks at this point and he had thought things were going well.  He didn’t want to inspire another letter from sister or worse his mother.  That would be who came for him next.</p><p>“We’re returning to London today,” he said after a moment, using the door frame to hold up himself up. “I feel as though you’ll have more to do there and we’ll be closer to our families.  The construction is set to begin anyways and it’ll mean less time away from you while I monitor the progress.”</p><p>She looked up at him, nodded quietly as she closed her book.  Her lips pursed and it was clear that her mind was working over something.  She let out a hint of a sigh, giving him a glance that Benedict could swear was her looking right through him.</p><p>“Eloise had no right to meddle,” she said after a long moment confirming his suspicion that she really could read him.  He hadn’t planned to mention the fact he’d just been scolded by his sister but there she was saying it.  “I’m <em>happy </em>with you.  I was just – well, I understand completely that I might have overstepped.”</p><p>Benedict shook his head.   Penelope clearly didn’t see everything and a part of him was grateful for it. He wasn’t quite sure he could handle her knowing all his inner workings and feelings, especially if she didn’t return them.  He was a romantic at the end of the day and the unconventional life that he’d always wanted stood before him.  He was absolutely terrified of allowing himself to love her only to find out she didn’t love him back.</p><p>“It’s not that at all,” he said pushing himself forward enough so to allow himself to place his hands over hers.  “It’s much more complicated than all of that.”  He didn’t know how to explain it without exposing himself completely though.  Once he spoke his heart, there would be absolutely no walking it back.  “Eloise is just looking out for you.  She know that you’re not fully happy that you’d much rather have been married to –“</p><p>Penelope did not let him finish that season.</p><p>“Don’t you dare suggest <em>that</em>,” she said in a tone he hadn’t heard before.  Sure, she’d had her moments when he was trying to get her to accept his proposal but she’d never used this angry-hurt tone at him before.  It felt like a punch to the gut.  The fact that Colin had been dead for months now and factored into every little aspect of their lives, even what was distinctly starting to feel like a fight, infuriated him in a way that he felt wrong for feeling at all.</p><p>“But we both know it’s true,” Benedict said before he could stop himself. “If Colin hadn’t run away instead of dealing with his feelings, we wouldn’t be right here. You wouldn’t have even remotely considered a proposal from me.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t have made one,” she said right back as if it were fact.</p><p>Benedict wanted to argue that she wasn’t right but he didn’t know. He couldn’t possibly know if he would eventually grown as close to her as he had even with Colin’s presence.  It didn’t matter when he just knew who she would have chosen.</p><p>“I don’t know– that’s not fair,” he said after a long silent moment.</p><p>“It’s the truth and we both know it,” she said barely holding back suppressed tears that made him want to draw into a hole. Benedict had not sought to make her cry. The fact she removed her hands from his didn’t help. “You only did this because of pity and because I was the lesser of all the evils your mother would have pushed on you. I’m certainly better than Cressida Cowper but you can barely kiss me.   That’s <em>fine</em> but at least admit it and don’t insult me by suggesting that I’m the one who wouldn’t have chosen you.”</p><p>Benedict didn’t care about how he had felt before. The only thing that mattered to him was where he’d ended up and he had <em>wanted</em> to marry her. Not because she was the lesser of a bunch of evils or because he wanted to save her from a cruel world where she there was a solid chance she’d be a spinster.  He had developed feelings and the fact that they’d spent nearly every waking moment together for weeks until he panicked because it was becoming too real.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he murmured.</p><p>He wanted to pull her close and tell her the truth but he just shook his head, left her alone in their room.  He wasn’t normally the sort of violence but he needed to scream, to break something and if he didn’t leave now he was going to do it in front of her. He wasn’t even mad at her. He was mad at himself and his grief and resentment over his brother was pulling out needing release.</p><p>--</p><p>Things weren’t okay. That much was clear in the fact that she wouldn’t look at him and barely spoke to him in their travels back to London.  They’d never had a true fight before and he didn’t like it one bit.  It felt like there was a crater between them. There was going to be no hiding it away until he figured out how to fix it either.</p><p>His mother had all but insisted that they join the family for dinner when that night instead of sorting it out at his former bachelor pad.  Truth be told he didn’t have much of an appetite, especially since he knew he was going to be raked over the coals by the females of the household. He felt certain that they’d pick up on the fact Penelope was keeping him at arm’s length.</p><p>They didn’t though. It was kind of funny how he braced himself to be attacked for being the worst husband in the history of the Ton only to have Penelope put on the performance of the lifetime.  He watched waiting for a crack between the friendly catch up with Eloise and the stories of unsuitable suitors that his mother had attempted to introduce combined with the stories of eligible women practically throwing themselves at Anthony who apparently had decided to court someone.</p><p>After dinner when everyone was winding down with their drinks or desserts, he felt his breath catch when his mother casually suggested that she could certainly go for another round of knotted orange biscuits from the kitchen and Penelope said she’d do it.  All eyes immediately went on him and he knew what the suggestion was.</p><p>“I’ll come help,” he said following behind her dutifully.</p><p>He trailed behind her until they were in the abandoned kitchens. The staff always left plenty of extras to be had just in case someone desired a late night snack.  There was usually someone trying to find an extra nibble of sweets into the late night hour.</p><p>“Grab a plate then,” she said sneaking the first four words directly to him since their little argument earlier in the day. </p><p>He dutifully grabbed one and watched as she grabbed enough biscuits for the whole crew of present Bridgertons to snack on.  He then moved behind to attempt to grab it from her but when she turned around, there he was and there wasn’t that much space between them and the counter.</p><p>In her surprise at the proximity, the plate of biscuits went spiraling to the floor. The fine porcelain shattered into a million pieces, causing quite a clattered.  Their eyes locked and Benedict knew he was done for right then and there.  He couldn’t even remember how or why they’d fought to begin with. All he knew was that his hands were on her hips, pulling her up to sit on a counter as if it was nothing and his mouth was on hers in seconds. </p><p>He knew that things were going to be alright when she was returning the kiss, legs wrapping around him to pull him closer.  Her hands clutched into made quick work of removing his jacket and he didn’t exactly stop her, especially when his own need felt so <em>urgent</em>.</p><p>Benedict really hoped that no one was foolish enough to come see what had delayed them because it wouldn’t end pleasant.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he managed against her lips.  He wasn’t sure if he was sorry for the fact they’d fought or the fact that he was definitely going to be having his wife in the family kitchen while his family sat wondering what was keeping the biscuits.  He’d certainly imagined that when and if this did happen, he’d take his time with her but there would be other times for that.</p><p>Penelope wasn’t exactly dissuading this course of action either, especially not when she was clearly pushing at his suspenders and tugging his shirt loose of his trousers. No, it only encouraged him to push the various layers of fabric that made up her dress until he found some skin and then welcoming warmth that he hardly stopped himself from exploring with his hands. </p><p>The sound that came out of Penelope at the introduction of a single digit nearly made him come undone. Even if it was muffled against his mouth, he was fairly sure that that if there was anyone in proximity to the kitchens they’d have heard it. He’d never quite noticed the echo of the room before.  He wasn’t quite coherent enough to think when was so warm and tight there. </p><p>His older hand found hers, leading it to the buttons of his trousers.  He could certainly do it himself but she’d been doing a decent enough job of leading him down this path so she might as well be responsible for getting them the rest of the way.  He openly groaned when he felt the fabric give away and the cold air touch him and her hand curl around him like she almost knew what she was going.  Yeah, he definitely wasn’t going to last long.  </p><p>“I’ll stop if it hurts,” he murmured against her lips, moving to her neck for a moment as he removed his hand and used his other hand to position himself.  He forced himself to take it slow, mindful that she wasn’t as experienced as him and she was his wife.  He did actually want to think about her pleasure and not just his own.</p><p>“Don’t you dare,”  Penelope warned him and he couldn’t help but laugh, especially when he pushed the rest of the way and she let out a noise so loud that he could only prayer the rest of the family didn’t hear.  For now, he was going to have to muffle her mouth with his own.</p><p>One hand was set gripped firmly at her hip the other, the other moved between them touching her as he if his life depended on bringing her over the edge with him.  If their first time together was to be frantic and quick, he still felt obligated to make sure it was good for her. The urgent way her name had taken to her lips made it clear he was succeeding at that.</p><p>When he felt her stiffen against him, her hands clutching him slightly that was all he needed to let go himself his hips jutting several more before his release. The tension he’d been feeling melted away.  He found himself smiling despite himself and he leaned it to press less needy kiss against her lips then her forehead.</p><p>“We’re going to be okay, yeah?” he asked breathlessly.</p><p>“I hope so,” she told him honestly.</p><p>He decided to help her down to reconfigure her clothing, mindful of the broken porcelain before he decided to try his luck for a round tree.  He sheepishly pieced himself back together after cleaning himself up.    What a mess they’d made.</p><p>Aside from a few lose curls, Penelope looked shockingly less suspicious than him, especially when she took to cleaning up the mess of biscuits and broken pieces with a broom.  He helped her maneuver it to the bin before they could wash their hands.</p><p>They grabbed another plate, refilled it with what was left of untarnished biscuits.  Benedict tried to keep a straight face as they entered back to the family after an inappropriately long trip the kitchen.</p><p>“I hope we didn’t keep you waiting too long,” Penelope said in her kindest voice toward Violet as she set them down.</p><p>The fact that literally no one in the room could meet their eye made it clear they knew what the delay had been.  Benedict wasn’t sure who was more pink him or his wife.</p><p>“<em>Newlyweds</em>,” Hyacinth said making a face.</p><p>That only served to set off a chain of laughter.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Identification</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There were some requests for an alternate/Parallel word to "Bridgerton's Adrift" where Benedict and Penelope actually did get married. So this is the result of that peer pressure. // Anthony rudely interrupts quality newlywed time in this chapter.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a touch mortifying for the entire family to be aware of his private marriage life but at least they weren’t questioning that Penelope was happy anymore. He felt semi-smug in the fact that he’d actually been able to draw that side of Penelope out. He was thankful that in the heat of the moment his brother had been the least of his thoughts.  Based on the fact it had been his name of her lips, he was pretty sure that he hadn’t been on hers either.</p><p>It hadn’t just been a satisfactory or okay experience for him either. It had been good; So good in fact that he nearly scandalized his mother by apologizing off shortly after the biscuits were returned, saying that they were tired from their travels and needed to depart so that they could rest. Benedict had very little intent of letting her rest.</p><p>While he did take the time to show her the modest space they’d spend the next few months of their marriage while they awaited their forever home to be built, he wasted little time excusing her to their bedroom and stealing her away from the bloody gowns that she’d been tormenting him in for weeks. He spent every single second of the night making up for the fact he’d deflowered her in his mother’s kitchen by exploring every single inch of her flesh multiple times over.</p><p>He was somewhere between a nap and worshipping her creamy thighs when the knocking began.  He was bleary eyed, gaze seeing the first hints of sunlight coming in through the curtains.</p><p>“Ben,” she murmured.</p><p>“They should know better,” he muttered, pressing a delicate kiss there. He sounded half-asleep and gruff. He could very well kill whoever thought this was an appropriate time to call.  “They’ll go away.”</p><p>They didn’t go away though and the pounding seemed to get louder, more incessant. He was pretty sure that he heard screaming –</p><p>“That’s Anthony,” Penelope said sitting up, concern displayed across her flushed features. “Something’s wrong.”</p><p>Benedict hated the fact that she was probably right. Anthony certainly knew better than to come bother him.  He’d teased him after all about married life certainly making him for fun.  He pushed himself up, stumbling a bit to tug on some trousers. He was still tugging a shirt over his head as he opened the door.</p><p>Anthony’s hand nearly met his fist.  Once glance at his older brother and he knew something was <em>very</em> wrong and he tried to not let his mind go to worst case scenarios. Something was wrong with Daphne and the baby or maybe it was their mother.  They had a strange scared experience with death and he just knew from the countenance on his face that someone was.</p><p>“They found him,” Anthony said sounding shell-shocked.</p><p>Benedict nearly the previous last night’s supper at those words, instantly knowing what that meant for his family and for him.  He had to put a hand on the door to keep himself up right.</p><p>“Found who?” a voice said from behind him.</p><p>Anthony and Benedict exchanged glances before their gaze moved back to Penelope who was wrapped in a robe. This was men’s talk. It wasn’t something that either particularly wanted to drag her into.  Benedict also knew that he couldn’t lie and yet he felt mute.</p><p>“Colin,” Anthony said after a long moment, the word shaky.   He’d been presumed dead for months.  Whatever was there probably didn’t resemble Colin at all.  They had gone through all the processes. They’d mourned, they’d gone through the necessary funeral rights and they’d assumed whatever was left of him remain at the bottom of the sea.  They’d been wrong.</p><p>Her mouth opened slightly but she didn’t speak at that. The way she curled her arms around herself, stepped away from them made all those fears that had kept Benedict from acting on his growing feelings come racing up to the forefront and there was little he could do about it.</p><p>“They need me to identify the – <em>him</em>,” Anthony said trying to keep it together. It was pretty clear that the news hadn’t just arrived. When it had arrived in the night, Benedict couldn’t be sure but he was fairly sure that this unnerved Anthony was what he’d managed to come up with after being armed with several drinks.  He desperately wanted one himself at this point.</p><p>It was clear why he was there now. Anthony didn’t have to verbalize it for Benedict to know. He couldn’t go and do that alone.  They’d been through too much when they’d lost their father.  This was a trauma too far for the eldest Bridgerton. Benedict wasn’t sure he could handle this either but there wasn’t much choice in it.</p><p>“We’ll go then,” he told him simply. </p><p>He silently left Anthony standing there, long enough to find his boots and a jacket.  He quietly gave Penelope a kiss to the top of her head, almost afraid of what the state of his marriage would be when he returned.</p><p>In an instant, he was at Anthony’s side and off they went to handle the task no one was interested in.</p><p>--</p><p>The body had been kept boxed away at the harbor.  They’d been warned that it would be shocking to their systems but they’d been unprepared. Benedict was certain the smell of death was never going to leave his nostrils. Decomposition had already started in on what flesh hadn’t been eaten by sea creatures. Anthony openly retched at the sight and he wasn’t far behind him.</p><p>The task was done though. It looked nothing like Colin.  It was mostly skeletal at this point but there was some skin that had been protected by the cold water and the winter months.  They had found a birthmark in some it and that was the thing that they pointed out, to see if it was familiar.  It had been. There was no question who had they had.</p><p>Colin, or what remained of him, would be sent to the family tomb without much adieu since everything that could be done had been done.  All this meant was that he could finally be at rest.  Somehow, it didn’t feel like rest though.  It all seemed unfair.</p><p>Anthony was in no state to be alone after identifying their brother so they went to the club and shared a few drinks like they always had when they were all bachelors together. Before there had been ABC there had been AB.  Anthony had always been the one who kept it together, lead without fear but Benedict had seen just how vulnerable his brother was.</p><p>“When I die, keep it simple,” Anthony told him over. The words were a bit slurred but Benedict knew he meant it.  Anthony had spent the greater part of an hour going over his plans and requests for a day that Benedict prayed to never experience much less soon to occur. Benedict let him.</p><p>“We’re planning on going to Aubrey Hall soon,” he had added.  “Mother wants to make sure that I close the deal on a marriage.  I always thought that you and Colin would provide potential heirs to everything so I wouldn’t have to.  Eloise said things weren’t going well – you and Penelope seem to be doing fine though. I worried though-”</p><p>Benedict was pretty sure he needed to cut Anthony off now.</p><p>“I thought that Eloise said that there was a potential match,” he said choosing to redirect the conversation away from his marriage and his potential to produce a Bridgerton heir all together.  </p><p>“Edwina Sheffield,” he announced with none of the enthusiasm that should be anticipated at the prospect of a marriage match.</p><p>Benedict half-expected him to go into detail on her finer assets and why she was going to be a great bride but he didn’t.  It wasn’t someone he was familiar with since he’d been away and missed the start of the season.  He could only assume he’d meet his brother’s future bride soon enough.</p><p>“You do know that you’re allowed to be happy right?”  Benedict asked after a long moment.  Perhaps, it was something that he should have been willing to hear himself. </p><p>Anthony didn’t exactly respond to that.   The brooding only intensified. </p><p>It was going to be a long night.</p><p>
  <em>--</em>
</p><p>Benedict could barely walk straight by the time he departed his brother who said he could find his own way home.  He had a sneaking suspicion he was going to find his way to one of this many flings.  He was so tired he was nearly delirious. </p><p>It was dark when he let himself in.  He moved toward his bedroom, prepared to check on his wife before slipping to try and get the stench of death, sex and booze off him.   The sound of Penelope sobbing startled him. The sight of her curled on her side of the bed, clutching her pillow hit him hard.</p><p>He kicked off his shoes before climbing in, arms curling around her from behind in hope that he might ease distress. She hadn’t apparently heard him come in through since she froze.</p><p>“I’m here,” he told her quietly, prepared to stroke her hair and hold her as long as was necessary to help her be okay again.  He was surprised when it only made her cry all the harder.</p><p>It took everything within him to not cry right along with her after the day that he’d had but he knew someone had to keep it together.</p><p>“I thought you weren’t going to come back,” she said after a long moment as if he deserved an explanation for it.</p><p>He couldn’t help but laugh when she said it. He’d thought she was crying about Colin being found or maybe because she regretted consummating their marriage.  The fact that she thought for a second that he was going to leave and not come back hurt him though.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said once he caught himself. She was in distress after all and laughing wasn’t the right way to go.  “I’m not leaving you though not as long as it’s within my power.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to react the way I did this morning,” she said as if to offer some explanation. “I saw the look on your face and then it was getting late and I – I didn’t think you were coming back.”</p><p>Benedict pressed a kiss into her hair.</p><p>“I was worried about you,” he told her. He’d promised to always be honest and he supposed he owed her to be as much.  “I wasn’t sure what <em>today </em>would mean for us.  Not just what Anthony and I had to do but … everything that came before it.  It didn’t change the way I feel about you.”</p><p>She turned around slightly at that.  Her eyes were red-rimmed but he was grateful to see that she wasn’t actually still sobbing. </p><p> “It didn’t change how I feel about you either,” she told him softly.  There was a pause and a sniff that followed and she made a face.</p><p>“Such harsh criticism,” he said with a laugh, pecking at her lips before releasing her and climbing back to his feet. “I’ll be back after my hygiene is back up to your high standards.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not sure what this chapter is but... hopefully we're all still alive out there.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Doting Husbands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There were some requests for an alternate/Parallel word to "Bridgerton's Adrift" where Benedict and Penelope actually did get married. So this is the result of that peer pressure. // Benedict is eager for his wife's return after she goes to Aubrey Hall with his family while he works on their house.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is my Valentine's Day gift for you all.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benedict was grateful to have found reasonable contractors who knew the urgency to have his and Penelope’s new home finished.  While they’d managed to make the most of his bachelor home, he wanted to provide more for her.  That was why he spent the majority of his days in Kensington, watching the progress and ensuring that everything was falling into place.</p><p>Despite the fact he didn’t want to be without his wife for any extended period of time, his mother had practically begged that Penelope be allowed to join the family at Aubrey Hall.  The plan was to seal the deal on Anthony’s match to Edwina Sheffield.  Benedict had his doubts that it would happen if only because Penelope seemed fairly certain that Anthony was better suited to Kate. He knew better than to bet against his wife.</p><p>It made sense for Penelope to help chaperone at Aubrey Hall. Her presence allowed her to stay abreast on the happenings of the parties and he could make sure their home was completed before the worst of the rainy seasons arrived.  It was only a matter of a week but it felt like a century without her. </p><p>He’d been fully prepared to show her how much he missed her upon her return.  He’d planned to have her favorite meal ready for her when she got home. They’d be able to sit together and she could tell him about everything he’d missed while they ate.</p><p>He knew that Anthony would escort her home but he was not quite prepared for her to him to practically be keeping her up right.  He’d known Penelope most of her life and while he hadn’t been around her while she was ill, he instinctively knew that her coloring was wrong. </p><p>“Pen,” he murmured moving to collect her from his brother. Concern creased her features as he moved her inside and to a small sitting room, so he could sit her down. </p><p>“I’m okay. Just a little carriage sick,” she said, protest clear in her voice though she wasn’t quite in a carriage anymore and she looked as if she was struggling to not retch. “I don’t need all this fuss.”</p><p>Benedict gave his older brother a look, as if waiting to verify the veracity of that statement.  If she’d been fine before departing Aubrey Hall he might could pass it off as carriage sickness. He’d been in many carriages with her at this point and not once had she been ill though.</p><p>“That’s a lie,” Anthony confirmed. “She’s been sickly since the last dinner party. She gave us all a bit of a laugh though.  She apparently tried to excuse herself from that miserable Cressida Cowper and she wouldn’t stop talking.”</p><p>“You didn’t?”  Benedict said trying not to laugh at the thought of Cressida covered in vomitus.  He was actually concerned for his wife but even he wasn’t foolish enough to note see the humor in that. </p><p>Penelope nodded though when she attempted to open her mouth, her eyes widened and she covered mouth. She was to her feet trying to run and find somewhere to properly retch.  Benedict’s eyes followed with concern. He really was going to have to go take care of her.</p><p>“Trying to upstage my engagement with a baby?” Anthony asked raising an eyebrow.</p><p>The two parts hit Benedict with equal force.  Anthony was engaged and he was going to have a baby?  They’d both seen their mother pregnant so many times that it was almost foolish that it didn’t hit him immediately. In a matter of seconds, his face flickered from confusion to excitement to absolute elation.</p><p>“Does she know?” he found himself asking.</p><p>“About my engagement to Kate? Of course. They’re strangely fond of each other. I daresay Kate might like Penelope more than she likes me,” Anthony said.</p><p><em>Kate. </em>Penelope had been right about that one.</p><p>He shook his head though. That wasn’t what he was inquiring about.</p><p>“As happy as I am that you’ve selected a wife. I meant about the baby. Does Penelope think she’s with child?” he asked again.</p><p>“No. She seems to think she’s had a bad run of food poisoning and travel sickness,” Anthony said with a laugh. “Should I have a physician stop drop by tomorrow?”</p><p>“No – <em>yes</em>,” Benedict said after a long moment.  “Does anyone else share in your suspicion?”</p><p>“Mother,” Anthony said after a moment. “She didn’t verbalize it to me but I did see her and Mrs. Featherington chatting rather suspiciously in recent days. They’ve been peddling a ‘digestion’ tonic toward her for days.”</p><p>“Well thank you for returning her safely home,” he said. “I should probably go take care of her but please forward my congratulations to Kate.  We’ll have to have you both over for dinner while you plan your wedding.”</p><p>Anthony nodded before taking his leave.</p><p>--</p><p>Benedict took the steps to the wash room two at a time.  They’d only ever vaguely discussed children in the sense that they knew that they wanted children to be part of their life and not just because it was what society dictated that children should be a product of marriages.</p><p>He hadn’t really given much thought to when it would happen. He’d been so busy focusing on the construction of their home and finding his stride with her that he hadn’t imagined it happening so soon. He was honestly thrilled at the prospect of being a father.</p><p>“Everything okay?” he asked gently from the doorway when he found her, bent over though no longer retching. The smell let him know that she definitely had been. She was breathing fairly heavily from the effort.  He crossed the space to lean sit in the floor next to her and rub her back.</p><p>“You shouldn’t see me like this,” she told him, embarrassed by the whole thing. Penelope felt dirty. She honestly hadn’t planned to be ill upon her return to him.  God how she’d missed him while at Aubrey Hall though.  Her bed felt empty without him.  Her days were boring without the conversations or the company.</p><p>“Sorry but you’re stuck with me,” he told her stubbornly. It had been quite a few years since his mother’s last pregnancy and he admittedly tried to block out those memories. It was painful to look back and think of Hyacinth growing in his mother’s belly and the way his father had absolutely doted over her until his death.  He didn’t care if other men chose to be absent. He fully intended to dote over Penelope. “I’ve seen worse. If I had known you were ill, I would have come to you.”</p><p>She offered a weak smile as she managed to sit up.</p><p>“I’m home now,” she told him quietly. “You’re not going to be mad if I just want to bath and sleep, will you?”</p><p>He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.</p><p>“No, I’ll even prepare a hot bath for you,” he told her.</p><p>“You really don’t have to,” she told protested. “I can do it.”</p><p>“No. Go grab yourself a cup of tea and a biscuit from the kitchen if you can stomach it and I’ll come get you when it’s ready.”</p><p>He didn’t tend to keep staff here full-time. It wasn’t like in the family home.  He did have people who came and went during the day to ensure cleaning and cooking was done. He had little complaint of handling basic things like starting fires or preparing water on his own.</p><p>He stood, rolling up his sleeves before setting into motion, helping her to her feet first before he set off on his task.  It wasn’t quick a quick task but he did manage to heat up water over a fire and fill the movable tub in the washroom until it was at a satisfactory temperature.</p><p>He was pleased to see a little color back in her when she came by up to try and help him.  He’d been about to go grab her though so there was little left to be done aside from enjoy.</p><p>“I’m spoiled,” she told him, curling into him slightly for a moment in gratitude. “I saw the dinner you had prepared. I’m honestly so sorry for being sickly. Tomorrow when I’m better, I’m going to make it up to you.”</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“You don’t have anything to make up to me,” he insisted. He debated telling her of his suspicion but he also didn’t want to get ahead of himself.  If it turned out she was just ill and not carrying his child, he would feel foolish for suggesting it. He turned his head enough so he could lean down and kiss her appreciatively. “I’ll leave you to your bath, <em>Mrs. Bridgerton</em>.  Please do call if you need any further assistance. I’m pretty good with a wash cloth.”</p><p>“Don’t go,” she told him when he started to pull and walk away. Her hand reached out to grab his arm in an attempt to stop him. It worked quite effectively.  “I want to hear about everything I’ve missed in London while I was away.”</p><p>Benedict smiled, helping her out of her clothing and into the tub. He couldn’t help but envisioned how her form might change if she was carrying his child. He pushed the thought out of his head though so he could comply with her request. He had a lot to tell her and even more he wanted to hear from her.</p><p>He loved his wife.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Suspicion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There were some requests for an alternate/Parallel word to "Bridgerton's Adrift" where Benedict and Penelope actually did get married. So this is the result of that peer pressure. //  A confirmation and some more Benedict being husband of the year material</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for being so MIA with updates but I hope this makes it up at least partially.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Penelope hadn’t had the luxury that most women have of having a mother who would dote on them and fill them in on the mysteries of the world.  It wasn’t that she felt that Portia didn’t have the natural maternity of people like Violet Bridgerton.  Portia had done the best she could to get her children to adulthood and Penelope knew her sisters were simply easier to deal with. </p><p>On her wedding night it hadn’t been Portia who explained marriage or all that came with it though. It had been Violet Bridgerton who had attempted and then there had been Daphne.  The information had felt a bit overwhelming, daunting at the time.  Penelope liked to think she’d figured out most of it.  She still found herself with questions though.</p><p>Pregnancy ought to have been one of the first things that crossed her mind when she found herself ill but some part of her felt like it ought to be more complex to create a child. There was no denying that she and Benedict had been intimate quite a few times since that first heated tryst in the kitchen in the family home but it seemed foolish to think her malady more than just a little virus that would pass.</p><p>She had been wrong though.</p><p>Returning home to Benedict had helped. She’d slept comfortably in their bed with him once she’d managed to get herself clean and the nausea tempered down.  It came back as soon as she awoke that morning though.</p><p>She didn’t want to trouble Benedict with it but there was no hiding it from him and even if he was supposed to go meet with their contractor and check the progress on their home, he refused.</p><p>He simply held red curls back and comforted her in the moments of calmness until enough time had passed that he felt comfortable to assist her back to bed. </p><p>She should have known he wasn’t going to let it just slide, especially when Violet Bridgerton let herself in.   Penelope was so exhausted and sickly that she hardly protested as the woman invaded the personal space of their bedroom and brought an older man with her.</p><p>“Anthony asked me to escort the physician over,” she overheard Violet explaining to Benedict.  There was something in the way that it was said that told her that Violet had insisted. </p><p>The physician moved toward the bed and began to look Penelope over.  Penelope wasn’t going to protest as anything to help be able to eat something as simple as buttered bread and keep it down would have been delightful.  It was a bit weird to have someone poke, prod and get in her personal space but it was tolerable.</p><p>It was when the questioning began that her cheeks started to burn pink.</p><p>“When did you last bleed?” the physician asked candidly.</p><p>“Last week in the garden, I pricked my finger on a rose,”  she offered not completely understanding the question at hand.</p><p>Benedict covered his mouth to not laugh while his mother nudged him hard with an arm. </p><p>“Penelope, dearest, he’s asking about your … womanly bleeding,” Violet attempted to explain in an eloquent way.</p><p>It only made Penelope blush all the more brilliantly.</p><p>“Oh then over a month ago,” she said quietly. “We hadn’t come back to London yet.”</p><p>The physician nodded.</p><p>“And you’ve had nausea.   Have had any growth or sensitivity in the…chest area?”</p><p>Clearly the doctor was trying to be delicate but he was gesturing toward her breasts.  Penelope nodded to the question.  Her corsets definitely weren’t fitting the way they used to.</p><p>“Assuming that you and your husband have consummated your marriage, my assumption is that you have a case of pregnancy,” the physician explained with a nod.  “We have no way of confirming for sure for now but you should start to feel better in the coming weeks.</p><p>Penelope looked a bit shell-shocked at the prospect of it all.</p><p>“And what until I feel better?” she asked. “And what if I’m dying?”</p><p>Violet was the one to laugh at that.</p><p>“Don’t worry darling, we’ll make sure you get whatever rest you need and I have a few old tricks up my sleeve. You don’t have as many kids as me and not know how to get through this,” Violet explained.</p><p>“I’ll leave a few of my recommendations and I’ll check back in with you but I don’t suspect you’re going to be dying, Mrs. Bridgerton,” the physician said, scribbling a few things down and extending them to Benedict.  He then nodded and departed to see another patient.</p><p>“It seems very unprofessional to just leave someone to die,” Penelope murmured from her bed, giving Benedict a glance that said she probably actually believed that she might. </p><p>Violet grabbed her hand, nodded softly.</p><p>“I know it feels like you might but you’re in good hands,” she told her simply. “Daphne is due to give birth any day now and then I suppose I’ll turn my efforts to you and grandchild number two. – I really must go since I have to meet Kate for some wedding arrangements.  We’d hoped you might join but I will let her know you’re under the weather.”</p><p>Violet Bridgerton didn’t know how to keep a secret though so there was no question half the Ton was going to be aware she was having another grandchild by the end of the day. Any speculation that might have started at Aubrey Hall was destined to be confirmed.</p><p>“I’ll walk you out,” Benedict offered before leaning to give his wife a little peck to the forehead.  “I’ll be back in just a moment and maybe we’ll try some bread and tea.”</p><p>--</p><p>Benedict knew his suspicion was probably going to be right. It absolutely thrilled him to have it confirmed, seeing the absolute pride on his mother’s face at the prospect of another grandchild.  He’d always pictured himself a father, imagined doting on this small thing that looked the perfect combination of himself and whoever he wed.</p><p>Penelope was his wife now and the prospect of a child that looked just like her was enough to make his heart swell with pride.  He was absolute overcome with joy even if he was admittedly concerned that his child wasn’t taking it easy on its mother.    He wasn’t going to leave her any longer than necessary until she felt better though. He would figure something out for the day to day supervision of their home getting built.</p><p>Anthony was out of the question as he was about to get married and there would be a honeymoon there.  Gregory was far too young. The Duke had enough to manage between Daphne and the much anticipated arrival of their first child.   He was going to have to find a suitable proxy. He needed more time to think on it though.</p><p>He took the steps two at a time, smiling like an idiot when he came back with some fresh, hot tea and toast heavily slathered in butter and jam.  He found Penelope just as he’d left her lying in the bed but her hand was on her stomach and he couldn’t help but feel like he’d interrupted some private conversation that he couldn’t quite hear.</p><p>“We’re going to get your strength back up,” he told her softly, moving to sit near her.  She offered a small smile, her eyes moving toward the toast. She started to reach for it but he pushed her hand away. “I’m going to feed you.”</p><p>“That’s not necessary,” she insisted though it was too late.  He was already breaking a piece away for her and moving it toward her mouth.  The moan that escaped her at the taste of it was almost sexual.  It had been so long since she’d eaten and managed to keep something down, she’d stopped even trying but that was the best bread she’d ever eaten.</p><p>“I have to keep you from eating too fast,” he said before moving to lift the tea to give her a sip. “There’s ginger in that. It always helped mother and Daphne is a fan herself.”</p><p>Penelope certainly wasn’t about to fight anything that might give her a fighting chance of resuming some form of normal life.  She just wanted to be able to eat food, enjoy her husband’s company and attend Anthony’s wedding in a few weeks. She didn’t think she was asking for too much.</p><p>“If I weren’t already married to you, I’d do it all over again,” Penelope confessed. “Please let me have some more.”</p><p>“That’s a good thing since you’re going to be the mother of my child,” he teased quietly, giving her more of the bread. He was pretty sure the fingers holding it were in danger if he didn’t move them quickly enough.</p><p>“Are you okay with that?” she asked as she awaited another sip of the tea. Benedict could read the anxiety over it all over her face.  She had no reason for concern there.</p><p>“I’m over the moon about it,” he confessed, balancing the plate on his leg long enough to reach a hand to touch her belly. “I can’t wait to meet our son or daughter and to teach them how to draw, swim and adventure. I’m pretty in love with them already.”</p><p>It was something she was a little self-conscious about but she did let her hand move to cover his.  She offered a nod and a light smile.  “They’re going to love you as much as you love them,” she said giving him a glance before her hand moved to reach for his caller, tugging him for a bit of a kiss.</p><p>She wasn’t sure if it was the tea, the toast or just Benedict but she felt a little better and well if they made an absolute mess in their bed so she could show a little appreciation it wasn’t going to be a bit loss.</p>
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